I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
