i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
