im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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