Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
