DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize