i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
