she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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