just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize