Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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