Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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