Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are we still banned from the library?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
