don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
