at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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