I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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