I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
