I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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