That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize