he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
