Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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