i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
