i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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