shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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