Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
