Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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