somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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