He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
