I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
