tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We need to rekindle our bromance
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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