everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
