my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
