i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
