Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
