Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize