grandma shit on top of the toilet
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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