theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
