My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Even my vagina gasped.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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