so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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