I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
