to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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