It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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