hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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