also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
