the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
