the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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