so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
