I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
