The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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