Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize