i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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