I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
