She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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