I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
