Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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