WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
