Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
