And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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