Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
