break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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