filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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