Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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