Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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