Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
