I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
