I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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