But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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