now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize